I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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