After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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