Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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