I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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