it was like eating out sand paper
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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