I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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