At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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