Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize