Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
is it fun? or sober?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize