Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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