Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize