yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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