I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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