I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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