I heard we made out
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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