Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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