You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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