my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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