dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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