She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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