i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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