maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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