you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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