Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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