You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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