im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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