From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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