so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize