Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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