I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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