...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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