Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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