yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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