fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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