I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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