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Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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