Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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