well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
be right there i have to get my cape
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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