i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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