apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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