have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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