My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so much tequila, so little girl.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize