sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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