P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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