a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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