i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize