Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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