I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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