his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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