I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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