I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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